Finding our " Beauty "

It's been a little over a year since we met our tiny Joeph and well I have been on the roller coaster of weight loss.  Don't get me wrong, while I was breast feeding Joseph, I dropped all of my birth weight and then a few pounds! I felt fantastic! my 6 week check up showed that  I had lost 26lbs! I was so excited when I saw the number on the scale that I texted my whole family! Then when I had to stop BFing Joseph (we will get to that some other time) I gained about 20lbs back practically overnight. It sucked. I wasnt smart about  it  either, I knew the whole time I was BFing J that I was burning an extra 500 calories a day, but I didnt make a single change to my diet.

I went from feeling good about myself, to feeling like a hippo fresh outta water. It wasn't fun. 

some women are serously blessed when it comes to their Post Body, and some women are blessed when it comes to being able to afford trainers and in home chefs.. and only eating 600 calories a day. Yes, Kim Kardashian..Im looking at you. 

Im not going to sugar coat it for you and tell you that "I Love my post baby body."because  thats not always the case. Yes, I have stretch marks up and down my stomach, and even some on my sides.. I almost thought I wouldnt have any... until the last month. But as I look at those marks while they slowly fade, I remember sitting in the kitchen watching my  Stomach move..side to side, Like J was reaally stretching out after a good meal. 

After we brought Joseph home from the hospital, I didn't even want to change infront of my husband because I hated the way my body looked. Yes, I Hated 

It. I remember thinking that my husband will never want to look at me again. I've got this floppy skin and stretch marks , my hair was starting to fall out and I didn't look a thing like what Hollywood makes postPatrum bodies look like. 

So how do you become OK and accepting of the fact that your body will never be the same? You simply just have to. Yes, working out after your doctors Ok's is wonderful .. But let's face it ladies. We are our biggest critic and we need to stop. 

We will never truly see ourselves. We will always see an image in the mirror or pictures of what we think we look like, but to those who see us through their own eyes, we will never experience that. 

I myself need to work on feeling better about myself and to stop being so judgmental about my body and looks. I will fully admit that I have never been OK with how I look, and I have plenty of reasons why my insecurities really stuck with me. However,  This is the body and soul that God gave me, and I will one day fully love and appreciate it. 

Let's appreciate each other, Ladies! 

-Nicole 

A letter to Joseph

Joseph,

It's been 9 months kiddo, can you believe it? I still feel like yesterday I was waking your Dad up at 5 am to tell him it was time to go to the hospital. 

  I love waking up every morning, knowing that you've got something new to discover, it may be a toy you've forgot about, something new you can scream out, an object to climb or even a new wiggle. It's wonderful to see you change and grow. 

  You are already stubborn and so independent. Nine months in and I'm still not always getting full nights of sleep, but you're worth it. 

   We've had our disagreements already with you wanting to remain naked, and me trying to put a diaper on you. Even when I'm trying to spoon feed you and you just want to feed yourself, squishing everything in those tiny hands of yours. 

  I thought I would cry the day that you started crawling, but my pride just wouldn't let me. Now, you've moved on to scaling the walls, pulling up and standing everywhere you can and even getting brave enough to let go for a good half a minute before plopping to a sit. 

  I don't know what it is with your fascination for doors,drawers and pulling every single movie and book off of your shelves, but I can just see those little wheels turning as you discover how everything works.

  You have made my heart stop more than once just within these past few months, with your urge to climb everything forwards and backwards and your refusal to sit down during bath time. Seriously child, you're stubborn. 

I know your Dad is going to have his hands full, keeping up with you and I! 

   I can only hope for you that you live your life to its full extent, that you explore all of your options and you never give up on your dreams. You are such a bright and happy baby boy. And even though I know years from now I'll be wondering what happened to that sweet baby as you sass me and say "you're the worst parents ever." Kiddo, you're just letting us know we're doing alright. 

 Your Dad and I promise to love you and encourage you through your life, and give you all of the support and laughter to fill your heart, while making sure you Know how to be silly. 

  We love you Joseph, and we look forward to many more adventures in the future. 

Love, 

    Mom and Dad