Now I understand..

Growing up and still to this day, my sisters and I have always given my mom a hard time when she would get emotional at something simple.. And by hard time, it's in the loving way. 

 It no surprise though that when I see my mother cry, or become some what emotional I could easily do it too. 

I never understood fully why it was that she or really any mother would get emotional at the small things we did as kids, or even as adults. 

Now, I understand. 

I have been wanting to write about this for some time now. Ever since the birth of Joseph, I have been an emotional mess. Whether it be with my battle of PPD, Anxiety or just plain holding back tears.. I've been a mess. 

There have been times that I would think that I would have cried like a baby. You know, the first Laugh (ok, I cried a bit) the first roll, the first crawl, the first words and of course walking.. It was more excitement for me, except the time Joseph said a full "Daddy" it melted my heart, and I choked back tears. 

I'm not saying I am weak, or over sensitive. It's simply a act from pride and love. As woman, our bodies go through a lot and it's very normal for us to be extra emotional after carrying a child for 9 months, even during and after the recovery. It's ok to cry in the car with your screaming toddler after rushing out of the store with embarrassment. 

Let it out. 

I'm sure many of you have seen the Cheerios commercials. I'm going to just give a big shout out to them for all of the tears they have made me shed, recently. 

Seriously. Cheerios gets me every. Single. Time. I think it's a little more because of the fact that I'm so far away from my family. 

So what else can trigger a big blubbering emotional mess.. 

Thinking about Joseph growing up in our new house, celebrating his first birthday at the end of this month and simply just thinking about his future.. I don't go into a full cry, but I choke back some tears.  

I was checking out Pinterest the other night, and I saw a pin my oldest sister had pinned. She didn't re pin it from me.. But it was the same one I had found as well. What got me even more was what she wrote with it...

My Pin-

( screen shot from Pinterest mobile) 

Her Pin-

(Screen shot from Pinterest mobile ) 

It's so wonderful to know my child has some pretty great people in his life that love him. I love letting him FaceTime with them. What a beautiful this that is! I hope he always knows that he is so loved by so many people. 

So it hit me the other night, as a mother.. I'm going to be emotional and it's ok. Whether it be as a mother bear protecting my children or just sobbing quietly watching them amaze me everyday.. I'm ok with it. 

I will still give my mother a hard time, but I now know first hand the reasons why she may cry.. And I'll cry right along side with her. 

-Nicole 

A letter to Joseph

Joseph,

It's been 9 months kiddo, can you believe it? I still feel like yesterday I was waking your Dad up at 5 am to tell him it was time to go to the hospital. 

  I love waking up every morning, knowing that you've got something new to discover, it may be a toy you've forgot about, something new you can scream out, an object to climb or even a new wiggle. It's wonderful to see you change and grow. 

  You are already stubborn and so independent. Nine months in and I'm still not always getting full nights of sleep, but you're worth it. 

   We've had our disagreements already with you wanting to remain naked, and me trying to put a diaper on you. Even when I'm trying to spoon feed you and you just want to feed yourself, squishing everything in those tiny hands of yours. 

  I thought I would cry the day that you started crawling, but my pride just wouldn't let me. Now, you've moved on to scaling the walls, pulling up and standing everywhere you can and even getting brave enough to let go for a good half a minute before plopping to a sit. 

  I don't know what it is with your fascination for doors,drawers and pulling every single movie and book off of your shelves, but I can just see those little wheels turning as you discover how everything works.

  You have made my heart stop more than once just within these past few months, with your urge to climb everything forwards and backwards and your refusal to sit down during bath time. Seriously child, you're stubborn. 

I know your Dad is going to have his hands full, keeping up with you and I! 

   I can only hope for you that you live your life to its full extent, that you explore all of your options and you never give up on your dreams. You are such a bright and happy baby boy. And even though I know years from now I'll be wondering what happened to that sweet baby as you sass me and say "you're the worst parents ever." Kiddo, you're just letting us know we're doing alright. 

 Your Dad and I promise to love you and encourage you through your life, and give you all of the support and laughter to fill your heart, while making sure you Know how to be silly. 

  We love you Joseph, and we look forward to many more adventures in the future. 

Love, 

    Mom and Dad 

Scrambled

 I have been kept on my feet and my heart racing these last few days. 

My 8 month old of son has learned how to climb into things.. And out of things. 

Yes, this also means he's trying the couch.. And ALL of his toys/ play areas. 

Oh. My. Goodness! 

No worries.. I make sure he isn't going to hurt himself. 

We're not walking yet. However, I'm pretty sure it will be soon. 

It's currently 1am.. I should be sleeping. I am clearly not. 

My mind is racing and I'm full of so much joy and yet so much sadness at the same time. 

I'm connecting with other whole hearted bloggers. So many kind and loving woman! It's such a wonderful feeling to finally get out there. 

Social media is a beautiful thing, yes? 

Welcome to my new readers! I look forward to learning about you! Please leave a comment with your blog if you would like! 

Also, please feel free to Follow my blog and share with your friends..  

A daily dose of J makes for a healthy Smile! 

Can anyone help me with making this blog a little more on the "fancy" side? 

I've also started a daily devotional with www.shereadstruth.com 

God is so so good, y'all! 

I have been craving some praise here recently, and I have been missing church. 

I was really bummed when we left Texas.. My friend Jewelia and I had just found a church that we really enjoyed.

I know I will find something here, probably just intime for us to pack up and move yet again. Ha! 

Beautiful, beautiful! A reminder that we as men and woman are all equal, and shod treat each other with equality and respect. Let him protect you and let the both of you share your love! 

Also, 

MacBook Air, or MacBook Pro. 

What do you think is a better choice? 

-Nicole