Finding our " Beauty "

It's been a little over a year since we met our tiny Joeph and well I have been on the roller coaster of weight loss.  Don't get me wrong, while I was breast feeding Joseph, I dropped all of my birth weight and then a few pounds! I felt fantastic! my 6 week check up showed that  I had lost 26lbs! I was so excited when I saw the number on the scale that I texted my whole family! Then when I had to stop BFing Joseph (we will get to that some other time) I gained about 20lbs back practically overnight. It sucked. I wasnt smart about  it  either, I knew the whole time I was BFing J that I was burning an extra 500 calories a day, but I didnt make a single change to my diet.

I went from feeling good about myself, to feeling like a hippo fresh outta water. It wasn't fun. 

some women are serously blessed when it comes to their Post Body, and some women are blessed when it comes to being able to afford trainers and in home chefs.. and only eating 600 calories a day. Yes, Kim Kardashian..Im looking at you. 

Im not going to sugar coat it for you and tell you that "I Love my post baby body."because  thats not always the case. Yes, I have stretch marks up and down my stomach, and even some on my sides.. I almost thought I wouldnt have any... until the last month. But as I look at those marks while they slowly fade, I remember sitting in the kitchen watching my  Stomach move..side to side, Like J was reaally stretching out after a good meal. 

After we brought Joseph home from the hospital, I didn't even want to change infront of my husband because I hated the way my body looked. Yes, I Hated 

It. I remember thinking that my husband will never want to look at me again. I've got this floppy skin and stretch marks , my hair was starting to fall out and I didn't look a thing like what Hollywood makes postPatrum bodies look like. 

So how do you become OK and accepting of the fact that your body will never be the same? You simply just have to. Yes, working out after your doctors Ok's is wonderful .. But let's face it ladies. We are our biggest critic and we need to stop. 

We will never truly see ourselves. We will always see an image in the mirror or pictures of what we think we look like, but to those who see us through their own eyes, we will never experience that. 

I myself need to work on feeling better about myself and to stop being so judgmental about my body and looks. I will fully admit that I have never been OK with how I look, and I have plenty of reasons why my insecurities really stuck with me. However,  This is the body and soul that God gave me, and I will one day fully love and appreciate it. 

Let's appreciate each other, Ladies! 

-Nicole 

Now I understand..

Growing up and still to this day, my sisters and I have always given my mom a hard time when she would get emotional at something simple.. And by hard time, it's in the loving way. 

 It no surprise though that when I see my mother cry, or become some what emotional I could easily do it too. 

I never understood fully why it was that she or really any mother would get emotional at the small things we did as kids, or even as adults. 

Now, I understand. 

I have been wanting to write about this for some time now. Ever since the birth of Joseph, I have been an emotional mess. Whether it be with my battle of PPD, Anxiety or just plain holding back tears.. I've been a mess. 

There have been times that I would think that I would have cried like a baby. You know, the first Laugh (ok, I cried a bit) the first roll, the first crawl, the first words and of course walking.. It was more excitement for me, except the time Joseph said a full "Daddy" it melted my heart, and I choked back tears. 

I'm not saying I am weak, or over sensitive. It's simply a act from pride and love. As woman, our bodies go through a lot and it's very normal for us to be extra emotional after carrying a child for 9 months, even during and after the recovery. It's ok to cry in the car with your screaming toddler after rushing out of the store with embarrassment. 

Let it out. 

I'm sure many of you have seen the Cheerios commercials. I'm going to just give a big shout out to them for all of the tears they have made me shed, recently. 

Seriously. Cheerios gets me every. Single. Time. I think it's a little more because of the fact that I'm so far away from my family. 

So what else can trigger a big blubbering emotional mess.. 

Thinking about Joseph growing up in our new house, celebrating his first birthday at the end of this month and simply just thinking about his future.. I don't go into a full cry, but I choke back some tears.  

I was checking out Pinterest the other night, and I saw a pin my oldest sister had pinned. She didn't re pin it from me.. But it was the same one I had found as well. What got me even more was what she wrote with it...

My Pin-

( screen shot from Pinterest mobile) 

Her Pin-

(Screen shot from Pinterest mobile ) 

It's so wonderful to know my child has some pretty great people in his life that love him. I love letting him FaceTime with them. What a beautiful this that is! I hope he always knows that he is so loved by so many people. 

So it hit me the other night, as a mother.. I'm going to be emotional and it's ok. Whether it be as a mother bear protecting my children or just sobbing quietly watching them amaze me everyday.. I'm ok with it. 

I will still give my mother a hard time, but I now know first hand the reasons why she may cry.. And I'll cry right along side with her. 

-Nicole 

Thanksgiving 2013

Last year at thanksgiving, we spent it at my mother in laws house. My Husband, myself, mother in law, sister in law and Brother in law all stuffed ourselves around a table, Enjoyed an afternoon feast, discussed the Black Friday ads and enjoyed the company of each other. It was my first Thanksgiving away from my family and my first thanksgiving pregnant.. I was very pregnant, very swollen and really tired. Ha! 

Later that night we decided to tackle the Black Friday crowds for the first time.. Remind you again.. I was very pregnant. Lol! We didn't really know what we wanted to buy, but figured we would just see what the fuss is about and go shopping.  Oh the looks I got! We made off with some great deals.. And lots of stuff for my husband. New steel toe boots for half off and some other great stuff! We didn't go back this year, I didn't feel like there was really any good deals on stuff.. And well we are saving any and all money for our new house! 

This year, we have a 10month old (now 11months) an almost empty rental house to cook Thanksgiving dinner with my Mother in law. My husband and MIL cooked all day while I was at work. I got home, loved on my little man.. And we began to feast. We were all pretty tired.. Joseph didn't sleep well and woke up screaming a few nights in a row. This picture is exactly how we felt lol. 

When we moved into our rental, we were faced with the fact that rental houses here just simply do not allow Big dogs. Our Cattahoula that we've had since a pup.. Had to be relocated to a new home.  His Foster parents were heading out of town for Thanksgiving and asked if we would watch Chubbs for a few days. Yes, his name is Chubbs! Ha ha! 

Joseph and Chubbs just love Each other, they always have. I am happy to say that in Jan when we get back and settled in our new home.. We get Chubbs back!  I'm very thankful for the family that took him in for us, and we never thought we would actually get him back.. ( they have two young girls who love Chubbs) but it's best for their family right now, they are simply too busy for him. 

Our little chunk was able to enjoy Thanksgivibg dinner. This boy has lots and lots of teeth..he gobbled everything down and saved the ham and turkey bits for last. Of course he ate naked.. Little boys get messy! We're working on using forks and spoons.. Drinking out of a straw Sippy cup (which he's almost a pro at)

We had a low key and eventful thanksgiving. I'm thankful for a MIL that can cook some delicious food, she taught my husband how to cook a turkey and many other dishes!  I'm thankful for my family as well! With everyone being so far away, I feel like this move has actually brought us closer, especially my sisters and I. 

Now that it's December, 

We've got a lot on our plates. We close on our house in 2 weeks, leave for Texas and then celebrate Joseph turning 1! (I'm going to cry allll day!) I'm so excited to start fresh and this new chapter in our lives! 

Oh! We were contacted by HGTVs House Hunters! After many, many email exchanges with one of the nicest people ever! I'm sad to say that due to the timing of our close and move and of course the Holidays.. We won't be filmed. We were so close! Everything was a go, until we discussed dates.. Oh well! 

This weekend is the Christmas party at my husbands job, Joseph will meet Santa and there is lots of goodies for the kiddos! I hear it's really fun! 

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you go Black Friday shopping? 

-Nicole